The Crash

Its been a few days since I reported in.  I did actually manage to get some sleep on Thursday night, managed about 4 and a half hours.  You'd think after going so long without I'd have slept for England, but alas this is not to be.  In fact the most I've managed was last night, and that was probably about 6 hours in total, broken several times however. 

I was expecting the worst to happen on Friday, but I felt better than I expected, things started to go down hill on Friday evening.  Saturday and Sunday were both written off, I couldn't even sit up for more than about 20 minutes.  So both days were spent on the sofa, if only I'd been able to sleep I wouldn't have minded so much.  Instead I had an NCIS marathon, thank goodness for Sky!  Back to back episodes all afternoon both days, not sure the teen was quite so impressed.

Throughout it all I still felt fairly positive however, which surprised me, especially as I felt so rough.  I was hoping I'd turned the corner.  Monday was a better day, in fact I managed to be upright for large portions of the day, breakthrough.  I didn't do anything, but even so just sitting up was nice.  Felt a bit light headed again in the afternoon, so had a lie down, but I was happy with the improvement.

Then I got up this morning, after having slept too.  My positivity evaporated while I was asleep!  I felt rough again, and on top of that I just wanted to cry.  I'm guessing this is the crash that they warn you about.  I do feel cheated as I didn't get the euphoria and now it looks like I'm getting the crash anyway.  Please let that be all that it is.  I really can't keep feeling like this.  Its beyond a joke now.  I have lunged from ranty, to snappy, via down-right evil and back to sobbing for most of the day.  And all of that in the space of an hour sometimes. 

I can't be like this.  I'm the happy go lucky one that keeps everyone else's spirits up.  I'm the class clown, the one who always has a smile.  The one that's just a little bit silly when its needed, that makes people laugh,  Thats what I do, who I am.  If I can't do that, what is my purpose in life any more?

C xx