As the title suggests I had the first of my steroid infusions today. They have decided I can have the 3 days, so its 1000mg a day for me. If that sounds like a lot, that's because it is! lol For those of you in the know, and remotely interested, its a Methylprednisolone infusion.
My relapse has reached a particularly low point. I'm using 2 sticks, and really struggling. I'm so fatigued its not even funny, just want to sleep all the time, but then can't get good quality sleep just keep waking all the time. Now I've had the steroids I doubt I'll manage sleep at all! I'm so fed up of living with me it's the one thing I crave, just to get away from myself for a few hours. The relapse brings with it lots of unpleasant effects, the loss of sensation, loss of power, reduced mobility, lots of pain this time and a few other very unpleasant but quite personal effects I'd rather not put out in public. Any MS'ers reading this will probably be able to guess where I'm coming from.
The last time I had the steroids they caused diabetes, so I have the added joy this time of expecting my glucose levels to go haywire. Had a good start on this front, pre infusion BM was 5.7, well chuffed!! Immediate post infusion BM 6.4, even more chuffed!!! Got home and thought I'd be a good girl and check it, 10.7 at 1.30, followed by 12.5 at 3 pm and 19.1 at 4 pm. I'm almost scared to do it again! lol
I feel pretty rough already, I normally feel OK while I'm having it, and wait till the infusions are finished to start feeling really crap. I'm waiting patiently for the euphoria they've promised me too. Please, anything to kick my butt out of this dreadful low that I'm in. I'm about half a heart beat from throwing in the towel. I just don't know how much more I can take. For the first time since I had this bloody cruel disease I could quite happily go to sleep and not wake up again. In fact if it wasn't for my wonderful family and amazing friends I might consider doing just that. They are the only things keeping me afloat right now. I love them far too much, and life is precious right? But really enough is enough now!
I was really good today, I managed to paint on a bit of a smile and be my usual naughty self a little while I was in the unit. But I've used that all up for the day now! I need to keep some in the bank for tomorrow after all. I just want someone to hug me and never let go, to tell me its all going to be fine. To take away the pain and take away this dreadful low feeling I can't seem to shift. When this infusion is done it will be very tempting to just go to bed to sleep it off and not have any contact with the outside world........ ever again!
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