In Good Company

Today did me the world of good!  Did I do anything fabulous.......No!  I went to the hospital for my monthly drug treatment. 

I'm not the sort of person who is defined by my MS, although you may be forgiven for thinking that over the last couple of months, but that's mainly because its been giving me such a hard time.  Neither am I the sort of person who will actively seek out other MS'ers to be friends with or interact with.  I'd rather just be friends with nice people regardless, the fact they have the same medical diagnosis as me doesn't really come into it.  But every now and again its really nice, in fact I'd go so far as to say helpful, to be in the company of people who 'get it'.  Don't get me wrong I love my friends and family dearly, and spending time with them, but just now and then its nice to be with other people who have been there.

There are times when you feel a complete freak, your body won't do what you want, it doesn't feel like it should, and the fatigue you experience is life sapping.  Its almost impossible to explain to someone how that feels, and even if you manage it I often wonder how much they really understand.  Fatigue for one thing is something you can never ever understand unless you have really experienced it.  Most people think they have, and think they get it, they think its just a normal exhaustion type feeling...... it's not!  Its indescribable!  I thought I got it before I had MS, oh boy how wrong I was.

I'm still having a bit of a rough time with the MS business at the moment.  Some symptoms I've had before, some new.  Most of which I don't even talk about, whats the point.  One of the things I'm really struggling with this time, compounded by the steroids, is mood.  Another thing I've never experienced before is loss of appetite, in fact normally I'm completely the opposite.

I have my regular treatment with a couple of lovely ladies, one of which I've become quite good friends with over time.  We keep in touch by text etc outside of the hospital.  She has also sadly recently relapsed, and had steroids.  So she really does know just where I am at the moment.  We arrived and started chatting about how we were doing, what we've been up to etc.  Imagine my surprise when she started talking about how dreadful her mood is at the moment, how she's either crying or biting everyone's head off. 

She's never known anything like it.  I couldn't believe it.  I told her how I'd been, she's exactly the same.  We both go from evil to sobbing and back numerous times over the course of the day.  You can't even begin to imagine the relief, I'm not the only one.  I was beginning to think I was going mad, thought I might have to get help.  Then I talked about my appetite, or lack of it, and how normally the steroids make me ravenous, guess what, she's the same.  I could have jumped for joy!  Well mentally anyway, not sure the body is quite up to jumping at the moment.  It was so good to talk to someone that gets it!  You don't have to explain how you feel, they know, they've been there.

We even managed to have a bit of a giggle, I haven't done that for weeks!  The atmosphere in the unit was lovely today, mainly due to the right staff being on, so that helped too.  But just briefly I found the smiley me again, she made a flash of an appearance.  At least I know she's not gone forever!

C x