Another milestone!

The coming week will mark a huge milestone in my life, and will be the end of an era.  I have worked in Learning Disabilities services in one capacity or another for over 17 years, and on Friday I will be closing that chapter of my life and moving on.  I have been doing this for the majority of my working life.  Its what I know, its what I do, and its what I have been passionate about for so long!  Its almost who I am.  How can I even think about walking away from that? 

I know I have made the right decision, really I do!  I am also really looking forward to the challenge ahead, I'm told its going to be a huge.  I'm sure I'll find new things to be passionate about too.  But I genuinely don't know how I'm going to manage the leaving.  Just the thought of it causes floods of tears, I just don't know if I'm strong enough to get through the week.

I'm a bit of an anorak, and like to know as much as I can about what I'm doing.  I have this where I am.  I have so much stored up knowledge, I can often answer queries without having to go to my electronic records and look.  I'm the office geek!  I have the benefit of shared history, so know why people are where they are, or how they got there and when.  A week on Monday I will be the new girl who knows nothing.  This is a feeling I have not experienced for a very long time.

The time is right for me to move on, the changes happening with the service and the changes to the job I do are starting to frustrate me already.  So if I stayed it would drive me insane sooner rather than later.  But change is scary!  The whole thing terrifies me.  There is still a part of me that thought I'd retire still working in LD services, that I'd be sat at my desk doing my thing for the rest of my working life.  In fact a small part of me is still in denial and hasn't quite come to terms with what is happening yet.  This is the bit that allows me to function daily at work and not spend the whole day crying!

I am very lucky to have worked with so many lovely people over the years, and to have made some incredible friends along the way.  I hope that some of these will be with me for life.  In fact some of the people I class as my closest friends of all are people I have met through work.  Its been an incredible ride over the years, with some monumental highs and lows, although the highs by far outweigh the lows.  I've had tears and laughter, the tears have been both of joy as well as sadness.  I have so many fond memories, I'll have plenty to keep me amused when I'm old and stuck in a nursing home.  I foresee lots of reminiscing sessions ahead as I have arranged to catch up with a few people from the past over the next few months.

I had a lovely moment yesterday with a provider who we have worked alongside for quite a few years now.  I have always got on really well with her, but we have stayed at arms length because we have had to.  I did what will most likely be my last official bit with her, and as I was leaving she said the good thing was that now we wouldn't have a conflict of interest we could finally be friends.  She gave me her personal mobile number and we have arranged to catch up for lunch and a proper gossip really soon.

Today I had lunch with a lady who used to be a manager within the service, she was never my manager but we worked very closely.  She has been gone for 5 years, but has kept in touch and it was so nice to see her.  She still remembers her time with us fondly, and talked of how upset she was to leave.  She summed it up by saying what we had as a team and a service is a bit special, and quite rare too.  This is why its hard to leave, she understands where I'm coming from.

With all of these things going on I've done a lot of looking back over the last few weeks, and I know the next week will bring even more looking back.  There's a lot to look back on, 17 years is a long time!  These years have brought me much joy and made me the person I am today.  A week on Monday will bring a time to look forward and see what the future has in store for me.  I just hope they all like me!  I also hope I'm up to the job.....

But for now I will enjoy my memories, hug my friends lots, make the most of my last few days and cry buckets......