It was a sunny Sunday morning and I didn't have a hangover.....bonus! The absence of hangover was however only due to the fact that I was working an early, so decided to have a rare Saturday night in. I hate working Sunday mornings in admissions. You'd think Sunday mornings would be a piece of cake, not too busy, the Saturday night entertainment having been dealt with and it being too early for the Sunday lunch session to have taken effect. If you are thinking this........ how wrong you are!
Its the Church effect! Anyone who has ever worked in emergency medicine will tell you how busy Sunday mornings are and how dangerous a place Church is on a Sunday. Every Sunday morning sees a steady stream of patients through the doors that have been taken ill / collapsed / had heart attacks all whilst in church. Honestly the place must be really bad for your health!
So we're having a pretty average church shift, with the odd left over drunk to entertain us a little. Its about mid morning, the doors open and in wander a grinning ambulance crew with a stretcher containing a frail looking OAP.
"This is Doris, 83, she lives at Apple Tree Grove residential home. Doris has Dementia and when the staff were assisting her this morning they noticed, well a foreign body down below."
Before they could say another word they were directed to a cubicle.
It was quickly discovered that Doris's foreign body was in fact a Johnson's Baby Powder container, inserted vaginally, opening end up. The verdict was reached that it was quite straight forward one to deal with. Remove the offending article, and as long as it wasn't open and the entire contents deposited inside it would be a fairly quick turnaround and Doris would be Apple Tree Grove bound again in no time!
The doctor was summoned and the surgeon on take this particular morning was only about four feet nothing tall, OK so that's a slight exaggeration but you get the picture? He arrived complete with head torch, looking for all the world like he was about to go caving!
The Baby Powder was quickly removed and a quick inspection showed no evidence of leakage. It happened to be the Sister supporting the doc on this case, and she showed Doris the container and asked her why she'd had it down below. The reply.........
To keep the walnuts in of course? What a silly question!
The doc looked at Sister and shook his head, she just smiled and suggested it might be a good idea if she held his feet in case he fell in. His torch came in handy after all! It's a bit like caving too I guess?
And as Sister pointed out to him, if she was convinced enough to put the baby powder up there, who's to say there wouldn't be walnuts? Nutcracker anyone?
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